[aageneral] Midlife Dating: Where to Meet the Men

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TITLE: Midlife Dating: Where to Meet the Men
AUTHOR: Susan Dunn, ME, EQ & Dating Coach
WORD COUNT: 1,258
WRAP: 60
URL: http://www.susandunn.cc
MailtoL:sdunn@susandunn.cc

"Midlife Dating: Where to Meet the Men,"
by Susan Dunn, MA, EQ & Dating Coach

The recent proliferation of dating websites makes
it clear that you're looking for him, and he's
looking for you, so how do we get the two of you
together?

AT WORK

Most people meet their future mates in the
workplace, despite the distinct possibility of
Double Jeopardy: you could lose both the guy and
your job. Inherently risky, it's never been my
favorite, but it isn't stopping lots of other
people, sexual harassment laws notwithstanding.

There are ways to make it work such as testing the
waters carefully as to intent, initially flirting
only when part of a group, and later, keeping it
strictly off-campus, and after-hours. See my
ebook, "Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women"
for more tips.

THROUGH FRIENDS

Word is this produces the most promising dates,
though it isn't surefire. I recall a friend who
introduced a friend of ours to a man of her
acquaintance, and later found out the man's wife
had left him because he used to beat her. That
having been said, don't forget to ask people for
introductions. People won't assume your
interested unless you say something.

AT SCHOOL

Demographically, you'd think the #1 place would be
college/university (I mean oveall), but I guess
we're putting off marriage until later.

Returning to school as an adult provides
opportunities and is a win-win. Whether you meet
someone or not, you've improved yourself and
enriched your life. When I first divorced and
returned to graduate school, I found it a great
place to meet folks, including professors who were
closer to my age than many of the students. One
of my fellow-students did end up marrying one of
the professors.

Learn a new language, brush up on your computer
skills or get a post-graduate degree. Most
learning institutions cater to the schedules of
older working adults, with night and weekend
classes.

ON THE INTERNET

The second best way to meet eligible others is
probably the Internet, especially for females, as
there are many more men seeking online.

The websites give good instructions, including
that you should take care when meeting them in
person, and the importance of a really good photo.

One resource you can take advantage of is Glamour
Shots (no, I'm not an affiliate). Depending upon
the location, they do great work, nice touchups,
and can also submit your photo directly to the
website. You'll get more action if you include
a photo, and it should be current.

Which brings up the point of deception. If
someone's deceptive, they'll do it anywhere,
including the Internet. You just have to keep
your wits about you. (See my ebook). However, if
you submit a misleading photo you're only fooling
yourself. Why put on there a photo of you 6 years
ago, and then be rejected when you finally meet?
On principal, if nothing else. (And why do you
have a problem with what you really look like??)

The Internet seems to have been created for
introverts. For dating, it allows a slower pace,
in writing, that introverts love. From personal
experience, I recommend meeting the person fairly
quickly (once safe), so the fantasy doesn't get
out-of-hand.

A quick look at the profiles will inform you that
everyone is "sensitive," "caring" and "loving" -- at
least in their own eyes. We all know what to say,
especially seasoned seducers, but misconceptions are
are also provided by those who aren't being willfully
deceptive, but just aren't very self-aware.

We're all alike - we all want the same thing; but
we differ in what things mean to us, and the means
by which we hope to acquire them. Everyone's
looking for love and most find some version of it.
Didn't Hitler and Mussolini both die with their
mistresses at their sides?

One person's "financially secure" is making enough
to pay the bills, and another's is a million
dollar trust fund.

"I'm a sensitive guy" can mean he's full of self-pity
and insensitive to others; or too hyper-sensitive to
be able to relate.

See them face-to-face. No one really looks like
their photo, no matter how current, and while
appearance isn't the deal-breaker for most of us,
that illusive thing called "chemistry" is, so get
it over with. This is the best way to check out
their health, as well.

AT PLAY

Meeting someone while you're doing what you love
to do is a great idea, don't you think?

Here's an example. Recently I went to a Sunday
opera matinee. It turned out to be an incredibly
unique group of people. The variance was small,
and the overall median age must have been 55
(MEDIAN). Surprisingly there was a large number
of men there alone. Who knew?

It was a small crowd, and during the long
intermission, I wandered outside. Immediately
several men, there alone, struck up conversation
with me.

Now here's the kicker: I found myself asking a
friend, "What kind of man over 55 would go to an
opera alone?" She reminded me that the last great
love of my life fit that profile!

I personally know clients who met their future
husbands taking SCUBA lessons, learning German at
the community college, and volunteering at the
homeless shelter.

DANCE LESSONS

Dance lessons deserve special mention. Many dance
venues are now offering free, or nearly-free
lessons. In my town, one C&W dance hall has
lessons Sunday nights at 7:30 p.m., for $3, and
most attendees are midlifers. There's free
dancing afterwards, and the atmosphere is very
different than Friday Night at Billy Bob's.

In addition, private studios attract midlifers as
well, offering all levels, beginner to
competition. You could meet a great two-stepper and
dance your way right out of the studio!

FAITH GROUPS

Don't miss this often-overlooked possibility.
Many places of worship consider it an outreach and
do a great job, and they aren't always religiously
oriented. One of the largest ones in my town
meets at a church, but the speakers are secular,
self-help types. They carry a full calendar of
activities. Take a leadership position and you'll
get more exposure. Yes!

IN YOUR FANTASIES

This may not be what you want to hear, but the
best place to meet him is in your mind. To get
what you want, you have to know what you want,
with clarity and also with feeling. This man you
want to meet, how does it feel to be with him?
Best time to envision is just before you fall
asleep.

Be mentally prepared for the possibility. If it
can happen in the universe, it can happen to you.
I wish you could hear the stories I hear as a
coach. It can happen at the most unlikely places.

I'm thinking of a wonderful man I met at a
restaurant on a vacation in Chicago. It wasn't in
my paradigm, so I thought "What's the use?" When
I recall the impression he made in our brief
meeting . what a lost opportunity. And
ironically, since then, none of my better matches
has been from my hometown, or even home state.

Last word - I'm told there are a disproportionate
number of single men at upscale jazz clubs. "But
don't bug them during the show," my informant
said. Good advice. A woman who interrupts a man
at work or play, is requiring multi-tasking of
him, which men aren't good at. It's always best
to let him approach you, because then it's his
idea and all that other stuff you know about guys
and you're smart, right? If not, get some
coaching and get up to speed. You don't want him
to miss the woman of his dreams, do you?

©Susan Dunn, MA, EQ & Dating Coach,
http://www.susandunn.cc . Susan is the author of
"Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women." She
offers coaching, Internet courses and ebooks
around emotional intelligence for your personal,
dating and professional success. She trains an
certifies EQ coaches internationally.
Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for info on this fast,
affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program.
Email for FREE EQ ezine.

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